Assassination Press

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Hump Day Recipe: A Remorseful and Dedicated Human Resources Person

By James Knight (Assassinated Press)

Ah, life is full of little ironies.

For instance, that a major U.S. company has a Human Resources department when clearly it is an Inhuman Resources department.

Or perhaps, that a certain Human Resources person claims they don’t have FIVE MINUTES to verify some information on a benefits claim (and you were on the phone with them for 15 MINUTES).

I came up with this recipe in special honor of all the amazingly inept and uncaring personnel of the Human Resources departments across this great land....

Ingredients:

1 (or more) Human Resources Person(s) with a bad attitude
1 Medieval Torture Device

Instructions:

Take one Human Resources person with bad attitude and insert onto torture device. Twist, turn, and pull in FIVE MINUTE intervals until they are completely remorseful and dedicated to helping all the employees of their respectful company (not just the ones who can fire them).

In lieu of a Medieval Torture Device (my last check on Ebay and Froogle didn’t yield any results, but keep trying), you may substitute a MP3 player (w/ headphones) and Starship’s “We Built This City” MP3. Place headphones on head and play at full volume for FIVE MINUTE intervals.

Repeat as necessary.

Voila! Now you have a Remorseful and Dedicated Human Resources Person (I said life is full of little ironies).

Enjoy!


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7 Comments:

Anonymous ezinewriter said...

Hi James,
One could always do a search for classified ads, with google, to find a suitable torture device.
If all that didn't work, I'm sure
I could get my ex-wife to hire herself out for the task. ( She could always find new ways to torture me! )lol

I got your feed placed on my site
this eve. You can view it by clicking the 'Daily Guest Feeds' link at: http://pivotpoint.blogzy.com/
It opens in a new window, so if you prefer, you can just access the page here:
http://pivotpoint.blogzy.com/pg/ftfeeds/asnprs.htm

Thanks for your help in getting your feed added! I was at a loss as to where to find your url:
( http://assassinationpress.blogspot.com/atom.xml ), for it. :-)

10:12 PM  
Blogger Rowan said...

"We Built This City"...that oughtta do it!

And while you're at it, punish Grace Slick for doing that song. You can't do a great song like "White Rabbit" and then go and do a song like that...it just ain't right!

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