Assassination Press

Monday, July 11, 2005

Survivor: Florida




By James Knight (Assassination Press)

Just got my new t-shirt, “I survived Hurricane Dennis”.

Now, I can add that t-shirt to my “I survived Hurricane Ivan”, “I survived Hurricane Frances”, “I survived Hurricane Charley”, “I survived Hurricane Gordon”, “I survived Hurricane Irene”, “I survived Hurricane Georges”, “I survived Hurricane Earl”, “I survived Hurricane Danny”, “I survived Hurricane Opal”, “I survived Hurricane Erin”, “I survived Hurricane Andrew”, “I survived Hurricane Floyd”, “I survived Hurricane Kate”, “I survived Hurricane Elena”, “I survived Hurricane Bob”, “I survived Hurricane Frederic”, “I survived Hurricane David”, “I survived Hurricane Eloise”, “I survived Hurricane Agnes”, “I survived Hurricane Gladys”, and “I survived Hurricane Abby” t-shirt collection (gasping for breath......whew!).

The picture above this article is a tracking of all the hurricanes, tropical storms, and tropical depressions since 1851. And this is the tourist capital of America?

“Welcome to the Sunshine State!”

When I was a kid and we would go on vacation outside of Florida, I always noticed the signs when coming back into Florida “Arrive Alive Florida: Buckle Up!”. Well, as I’ve gotten older, that sign has new significance for me. I think they should add ...

“Arrive Alive Florida: Buckle Up, Bring Plywood, Bring Extra Water, Bring Sandbags, Bring Extra Batteries, Bring Extra Canned Food, Bring a Radio, Get Life Insurance, and always keep a full gas of tank in case you need to get the hell out of here! Welcome!”

I think I’m going to write a letter to Mark Burnett and CBS. Do you want a real Survivor series? Next stop, Florida! Survivor: Florida. The contestants can all try to survive from June 1st thru November 30th in the Hurricane State. They will have to move to the eye of the storm each week. Now, that, would be something to watch!

Speaking of things to watch, I think the state of Florida should get royalties from The Weather Channel. We could give the proceeds to the victims of “Hurricane (insert name here)”. Here we are trying to survive and these people are using us as entertainment! It’s a ratings bonanza for TWC and Florida should be entitled to some of that commercial revenue that they are getting. I bet those TWC advertisers salivate every time a Hurricane comes near Florida, “Oh boy, great demographics, buy more ad time NOW!” Did you know there are already more TWC weather reporters per capita in Florida than the entire world?

All kidding aside, this is a serious issue and there are undoubtedly many victims. I encourage everyone to evaluate their budget, and if possible, donate to the American Red Cross (http://www.redcross.org/donate/donate.html).


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7:57 PM  
Anonymous ezinewriter said...

Hi James,
Funny post, ( as usual ). :-)
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9:16 PM  
Anonymous Zach Cone said...

very funny like it alot. New England nver has to deal with Hurricanes, Earth Quaks or tornados. Just have to deal with hot weather one day cold the next and a lot of snow.

11:11 PM  
Blogger The Light Fantastic said...

wow only a floridian has the right to own those t-shirts.

11:29 PM  
Blogger /T/ said...

Love your post. As a guy living in California I know about surviving.. we survive earthquakes all the time. I don't think I actually know anyone here that did not survive an earthquake. Or do you in that case talk about someone I "knew". Anyway I bet Florida has plenty of business with Tornado preparedness programs like they have here for earthquakes. I have more earthquake kits then I have felt the earth shake.

11:35 PM  
Blogger Rowan said...

Glad you survived! I know how it goes, I grew up in Corpus Christi, TX. Been through several bad hurricanes there. I remember watching the neighbor's roof blow off during Hurricane Celia when I was just a little heathen. Now I live in San Antonio. Here we get the backlash of the Gulf hurricanes...the wind, the rain, the tornadoes. And I live in a mobile home. Fun, fun!

1:43 AM  
Blogger Rowan said...

btw, you probably have these guys there...when I lived in Corpus there were diehard surfers who, instead of packing up and leaving town like a sane person, would instead head to the beach to catch the "hurricane swells". Isn't that crazy?!

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